Darkfallen: Siren Song

Contact with the prison island of Sarandin has gone quiet for some nights. Uneasy at the prospect of what this may entail, the warden Aneirin travels with a contingent of guards by sea to discover what difficulties have befallen the island's watchers and protectors. As her ship enters a thick fog, she will find her feeling of unease was more than warranted, yet none can resist when brought before a true Siren's song. Both Aneirin's fate and that of Sarandin Isle may prove to be beyond her wildest imagining. A seductress of the blackest depths calls...

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It's always nice to come back to the Darkfallen series for a little change of pace, to venture into a dark little space where there's no chance of escape from a fate of corruption and transformation at the hand of the constrained demons of Sarandin Isle. Each story is written to be a unique and standalone tale of depravity, a 'Bad End' for a protagonist that ventured too deep into the cursed island, expecting the wards to be holding as surely as the day they were set. Even so, there are some underlying plot threads I've been playing with between them, some recurring characters and ideas that link it to the main Daemonique series, and this one's no exception. At the same, I wanted to mix things up a little more, to go even further.

And so we begin Siren Song not from the depths of the sunken prison but outside its borders. For a facility embedded so deep into the island, it makes sense that - especially over time, and with its safeguards failing - there would be innumerable crevices and cracks, that its darkness and corruption would eventually seep through the rock and into the ocean beyond. In line with the events of Daemonique, both current and future at time of writing, that's exactly what's happened to give rise to the lair of a siren - a seaborne songstress that tempts and seduces its prey much like a succubus. That's where we begin.

From there, it's a conflicting feeling to warn and talk about the content as it's presented as a strong twist of power and corruption over the protagonist, but it does involve a Female to Male transformation. More often you'd expect it to go the other way, or stop midway with Futanari/Hermaphrodite, it's certainly the sort of thing I'm more prone to writing, especially when it comes to corruption, but when outlining this story it occurred to me. Why not?

It's made a nice change of pace, along with the usual points in corruption, control and latex, to warp and have the protagonist completely overtaken by becoming wholly male in service to a seductive, monstrous woman and the whole range of new sensations and instincts he can be controlled by. 

And the two other men already in her service that may or may not have been changed in the same way, because of course. Someone has to teach him about how good his prostate feels to pound.

Hide No Longer (Hide #3)

The winter holidays are ending, and so Lynne prepares for the return to her normal, day to day life, but can there be such a thing when ‘he’ still haunts her? Waking with his ethereal presence at her side, she wonders if he has simply become a normal part of her life. Yet even that may change. Left alone after a sordid morning of teasing, Lynne will inevitably be brought to face the question weighing on her heart.

Just who is she hiding from?

With her answer, this game may finally come to an end...

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That's right, I'm back at it again, and this time should be more consistent. I feel like I've heard and said that before but I wouldn't be surprised if I was the only one that remembered or cared too so let's not worry about it too much. A lot's been going on - for everyone at this point but I rather be an escape from talking about worldly news than play into blaming everything on it - and I'll just go ahead and say it from the start; this book was difficult.

It was difficult. With Kikimora Courtois I set up a future plans schedule and in my infinite wisdom stuck to it. Rather than change gears to something else, I stuck with thinking about this story despite its problems and essentially just emotionally crashed. I couldn't resolve the problems or deal with the anxiety of my own doubts and fears and just blanked out on writing. Combined with that feeling of being isolated and alone people might be more familiar with these days and some bad decision escapism, well things happened.

So what makes this different from every time I've tried and failed to get up? Well we'll just have to see, but for the most part I feel like I'm just "over" a lot of the things that act as convenient distractions and escapism from my anxiety and problems. A lot of things just didn't pan out, I'm just tired (but you're always tired...) and coming into 2022, I want to focus more on being a better, healthier and more productive person. Yeah like everyone in the first week of a new year because it sounds nice to say, I know, but it is what it is and I got to delete all my old writing progress logs that just made me feel worse and forget they ever existed so don't worry about it.

This is supposed to be talking about the book anyway. What made it difficult? A few things, one being it's the climax and closure to the story. Endings are always hard, always so hit or miss. I'm so often disappointed in an ending and can only hope this one isn't up there. It didn't disappoint me, hell I almost cried during editing. It's also pretty emotional, rather than just take my internal voice's "this is dumb, no one will believe or like it" etc., I tried to play it forward into Lynne's monologue of how ridiculous her situation was, and weave the fear into her own social anxiety largely born from her body image.

Of course, between his ethereal presence and one good friend, maybe Lynne will realise how her own image has been changing. That big is also beautiful to the right eye.

 

Kikimora Courtois now available for pre-order! Releasing April 14th!

 Awaking from dreams of fancy, Valentine finds himself bedridden with injury and little memory of how. Whilst this is nothing unusual for a man on hard times, the lady to greet him most certainly is. A noble’s maid at first glance, feathered tufts of fur peak from the lining of her dress, a bushy tail cascading behind her. Valentine is enchanted by this fair maiden and fae beastkin he’s never seen the likes of, yet the mysterious maid’s stilted boots are as quiet as her tone is sharp and guarded.

A troublesome man has entered the kikimora’s life, much to her mistress’ amusement. Just as she challenges his resolve on the thought of love, Ketalla may find herself facing the shadow hanging over her heart as the consequences of their actions ripple outward through the city and beyond.

Pre-order now for release on April 14th

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That's right, you actually thought I was joking, but it's happening, and I'm pretty happy with things. I don't know what it is but it's very easy to get lost in your own self-destructive depression, but just trying to make a stand and putting something out there with a solid deadline really feels good and motivating. Of course I've tried to make a statement and stand previously but it was never as solid as this. 

A lot has changed over the years since then. Some of the things I had tried to hype myself up with genuinely just went nowhere until recently where I started getting back in touch with some people, sticking my head out and interacting a bit. Friends and people that will check in on you really help, especially when it concerns writing. I don't want to "date" my posts and fill them with social commentary or bring up matters readers will be sick of hearing from every other outlet, but when the whole global pandemic issue began and many had to learn to deal with working from home, there was a big drive on mental health awareness and checking in on people.

And then there was me who'd been dealing with working from home for years wondering where that support and care had been for years. Was it really so bad? Was my depressing loneliness just a natural effect of what I do? You know it never felt that bad but now I look back on and really say that out loud again, I guess maybe it was... at least it didn't help matters when things went downhill with no one to stop or help me.

So uh... the moral is not to remember authors are people too cause you hear that about any artistic type all the time and like any feel good catchphrase, it doesn't actually mean anything, but don't be afraid to reach out and talk to creators. Let them know how you feel, what you enjoy and want more of. They probably don't have many people to talk to about their passion, especially if they write "sensitive" content.

Wait, this was supposed to be a news post about the new publication. Shit, this is why I don't go off on tangents about stuff like that! Well, in all seriousness Kikimora Courtois - which I swear I will never be able to spell without checking and I did this to myself - is a flagship of pulling myself out of a darker place and putting a visible effort back into publishing, so it stands to reason I take up all the space talking about the emotional troubles and absence preluding this moment. 

That and... it's my first attempt at utilising preorder functions, so I can't really add a preview excerpt yet. Also Smashwords is pending because they want the finished manuscript ten days before release and will force you to delay it seven days if you don't update it by eight days before release at best. Meanwhile Amazon wants four days and others don't seem to care at all. Thanks Smashwords, very cool. Also don't worry, I've left myself plenty of time to finalise, especially given the motivation of an actual physical deadline that will now affect readers expectations... more than being dead. Kind of? Don't worry about it.

I'll probably do a release day post to celebrate and talk more concisely about it anyway. For now all I can say is I'm really happy with it. It's much "softer" compared to some of the things I've written previously, which isn't to say I've lost the edge(?) or love of dark fantasy, but there's much more romance, adventure and character before reaching any erotic climax. 

It's bigger, ambitious, and coming April 14th!

I'm doing Science and I'm Still Alive

That’s right, against all odds and suppositions, I’m still alive. Should I be? Should I still attempt to get back up and continue publishing? I don’t know, it’s a question I’ve asked myself many times amidst the circular self-destruction and bad decisions that anxiety and depression will bring about and force you to deal with alone. I should know better, a part of me does, but I still have the feeling that no one will actually care and I’m just writing to the void to please myself, or better yet just being shamelessly melodramatic and no one actually cares for the creator’s bleeding heart they’ve seen time and again.

It’s easy to be left with feelings like that, to convince yourself they’re right, that no one wants to hear it again and just drift further into the safe, lonesome dark. I don’t intend to talk about my situation much more than that, and a lot of people deal with it far more intensely than I have. It’s the biggest barricade to anything emotional or artistic. It’s never easy, but throughout it all, however silent, there has still been support and interest in my works. As easy as it is to dissuade myself, there are people who still know and remember what I’ve done, and even ask about more. 

Readers are still out there, and every one of you, whether you find this or not, have been the single star in a long night that has held me to hope and stopped me from falling apart even further. Whether you just experienced a story or two and passed on, only discovered me now or held to that same hope of a return, thank you for being here and supporting me in your own ways.

I may be stupid. I may have disappointed people as much as myself, but rather than just run from and abandon everything I’ve done, all I can do to make anything right is… write. There are countless things I haven’t completed under my name and as parts of my world. It’s time to brighten the mood.

Tomorrow, Kikimora Courtois will go up for pre-order with a news post here. It’s a full-length standalone novella I struggled on and was unhappy with for a long time. Having come back to it recently, I’m really glad I did step back from it, as I’ve been able to untangle a lot of the tone, direction and feel I wasn’t happy with, while also noticing a lot of little bumps and tonal shifts I don’t like. Suffice to say, what I’d started with didn’t stand the test of time at all and has only been improved since.

I’ll go into more detail in a dedicated release post but its title is a play on Amour Courtois, or “Courtly Love”, a medieval European literary conception of love that emphasized nobility and chivalry and I absolutely did not just copy the Wikipedia definition. Put the new tab down, no one needs to check! I first came across the term researching Valentine’s Day and summarily Saint Valentine. It’s a very grand image, showing devotion and dedication through noble trials, and so I was inspired. 

A Kikimora is, in short, a Slavic house spirit with elements of a bird – solid ground to be written as a fae beastkin. It’s a pretty obscure origin, but as most who already know what it is can attest, Kenkou Cross’ ‘Monster Girl Encyclopedia’ designed a kikimora monster girl, and it's pretty cute. I take some illustrative queues from that in creating the image of our monster girl heroine. Kenkou Cross is a good artist, the theory behind the design is solid and it's a “standardised” design other fans of monster girl media would default to. 

That’s as far as any relations go, however, as I always create from as many sources of inspiration as possible and build things into my own fantasy realm’s lore and vision, as it should be. In Kikimora Courtois, shadows of a darker past linger over our beastkin heroine which events may force her to finally confront. And she is not the only one.

So what comes after that? With Kikimora Courtois, I wanted to return on a solid note, come back with something to show for it, put a good foot first then keep moving forward off the momentum. I have a lot packed away and frankly, as stupid as it sounds, just looking at the list was its own deterrent. It’s being struck by choice paralysis which is bad enough in its own right, but with a little voice that says the fact that this list exists proves I’m a failure and it’ll never work out. Of course there’s no voice to say otherwise when you’re left alone with your feelings, so it was difficult to deal with.

With that said, I’m going to focus through titles to wrap up and give full closure to existing stories before I do anything else. This doesn’t mean anything will be cut short, my list has tallies of 1-3 books per title to complete them. I may have had a lot of starry-eyed ideas for what I wanted to do with serial releases but I certainly had too many titles running, which feels like enough of an honest failure for unnecessary feelings to latch onto. It wasn’t perfect but little ever is, what matters is the passion.

I’m going to tie up the ones that can be resolved in one book first – the Soulflame series and Hide series. Once done, all manuscripts for those titles will go into the editing and binding process to release them as full, single books a month or two after release of the final chapter. In the meantime, I’ll move on to Shoes of Glass and Umbral Coil that will tentatively take two books each. With those done, I’ll make a full return to Wight Snow and Daemonique. 

Dhampyre will return and continue as heavier novella releases, most likely once all or at least most of the others have been handled and I’m back to a clean slate to focus more easily on projects and plans. I still have many untold stories for the world I’ve built for all my fantasy works. I even bought Campaign Cartographer from Humble Bundle recently just so I could begin piecing together maps for sections of the world and eventually link them all together as it grows. It’s been rough and I haven’t been able, but this is still my passion and what feels like the big thing I can really do. Beyond all this is even bigger things that I’ve been working on but can’t even begin to talk about just yet. 

But the real question from anyone that made it this far, was this an elaborate in-season April Fools joke? Well... it was certainly the reason I decided to go ahead with coming back out and making an announcement about plans today. I can only hope people find some mirth and joy in this, whether they consider it or me a joke or otherwise. Only time will really tell, maybe I'll try one more time and through some force of circumstance and poor mental health, just fail again. I'm going to do what I can to prevent it, but an April Fools joke? Yes, the truth is I… I’m not actually doing science.

I’m sorry, but my passion still lies on the high fantasy side of things, and making dumb references to stuff that most readers probably aren't into. Feeling like I was always “different” to the status quo as it were was always a downer I'm not getting into today. Science Fiction also often suffers from toeing the line of becoming Science Fantasy if you don’t respect its processes. That's fine in its own right if you know that’s what you’re doing, but I’m not looking to the stars. 

Not yet.

Take the Fifth Year

Now that Hell(Home) has frozen over in the worst national snowstorm I've seen in years and my anniversary has come around, I guess it's time to overcome some of the crushing anxiety, depression and awkwardness of having gone quiet for so long to celebrate that... I still exist.

If only for myself and only for posterity, after five years, I still hold my name and work close to heart. I don't really know if anyone else is still out there, heck I can't even see across the street most of the time with the blizzards, but for what it's worth - I am here. I haven't abandoned what I started and what I've built up, though I've often asked myself what I should really do with anything at this point. 

It might be stupid, it might not be right, most of what I do might not be what "should" be done, but you know what? That sort of mentality is what's made getting up such a struggle. Get up? Why are you down? You shouldn't be down, you should always be up, always infallible. You're not? Well you just don't measure up and should stay there if you can't do it.

I'm tired of it. I'm tired of the superficial expectations born of flippant remarks and fear of people who most likely don't exist. Even now I'm just second-guessing everything to the sound of snide comebacks that probably no one but me will think. Except they probably will, but will never voice it. No one will say anything either way so it's fine to just do what I want anyway, right?

It may be stupid, but whether or not anyone still cares, I'm still here. Suffice to say, the past year got worse before it showed any sign of getting better and I don't want to think about it, so let's forget it happened, yeah? Practically that should have been the entirety of this post but I guess I had venting to do. 

In lieu of Starcraft SCV puns in the title, this video sums things up pretty well.

For anyone still holding out hope, modestly, in earnest or otherwise, there are some stars in my sky. There have been people that defy all expectations and fears, people that keep me together. The video really gets me since at the end of all the depression and loneliness, there really is still a surprise "BOOM, BABY!" Marauder Marine ready to turn things around.

I don't want to talk about them here and now or make it look like I'm just saying the same crap again but there are hopes and plans for the future.

Four Score of Years in the Rear

That's right, it's that time again. The time where I misuse words for titles in a recurring theme relating to but one thing!

Anniversary post!

Yes, as of March 1st, 2017 it has now been four years since I opened up to the world and tried my hand. Four interesting years that have seen highs and lows, new systems rise, spontaneously burst into flames then crash and die. This past year alone saw one of our storefronts go offline entirely, slashing and running with 90% of every author's contractually due royalty payments in broad daylight, because that's a-okay.

Things like this are why Amazon has the monopoly when the alternatives are shady trash like AllRomance eBooks or low effort cashgrab portals trying to mimic a system without considering the actual figures. Sometimes it can't be helped.

So suffice to say it's been an interesting time. It's been a turbulent time for me that I don't really care to talk much about. I ran a post at the end of 2016 to cut and remove most of the year, so I'm not going to drag that in again. Instead, I'm going to try and keep it succinct, in sections!

--- The Past
As mentioned, the past sucks and I'm glad it's in the past where it can stay. Deaths in close family and the financial issues that creates are not something to wish on anyone, but they happen. They're bound to. Having large sums of money and purchased content stolen by a supposedly legitimate storefront isn't something to wish on anyone either and not something that should happen, but does.

The past sucked, let's forget about that.

--- The Present
To reiterate on the past sucking a bit, the recent past has been a bit of a shamble. In short; February was a mistake.

Presently, I have two or three things due to be published soon. At least one to two should have been

published in February, but in the spirit of bad calculations, my expectations have not panned out and instead piled up like a bad train wreck, but that's how we roll. Maybe one day things will be different and I'll have that train drifting along on multiple tracks, but that day is not today. Getting too caught up in those failures and troubles is a surefire way to bury myself in depression again.

Quick note: Depression is not a useful tool of motivation, nor does it aid in understanding how you're supposed to "just do it".

But it's not all bad! As we are in the present, and not the past, which is a pretty bad place as of late, it means there's a lot to look forward to coming "Soon*". March soon. It'll be a great month.
*Copyright 2004-2017 Blizzard Entertainment, Inc. All rights reserved.

In addition to my standard publications, I have the pleasure of writing for some private commission work, so things are certainly in a state of improvement. It may not be looking down from the top, might not be better than everyone I or you know, but it's what it is. I'm not dead, and still here, so it could be worse?

--- The Future
So after the immediate future, what do I have in store? In the short-term, I have the affirmation that I'm stubborn to a fault, and will be finishing what I've started. Every story deserves a proper ending, proper closure and to fully fit as its part in my world. For the near-future, that means finishing the Hide, Soulflame and Shoes of Glass series'. After those two contemporary and one historic works are finished, it's full focus back to high fantasy, the Daemonique, Umbral Coil and Dhampyre.

Once things have been sorted out some, I may do some work retouching the blog some more. I think an active log of just what I'm working on and where I'm going next could work out. I may be bad with estimates, but a show of workflow and life like that could work out.

Last year I said there'd be things you might not expect and unfortunately there was never an opportunity to make good on them, so I'm just going to go come out and say this time. Once things have settled down and my backlog isn't as depressing, one thing I'd like to try my hand at is creating an RPG through my world.

It's a big endeavor, certainly, but one I've wanted to apply my love of fiction and writing to for a long time. As I develop my world through stories purely in books, it strikes me more and more as something that just needs to be. I need to have a Meirport and Sarandin Isle that can be walked around in person. I need the Ciras Isles, the Zo'Qeth deserts and frigid Northlands as places on a map that can be visited, with their cultures marked out naturally in the feel of people.

From the start, I've been writing with the intention of creating a big, breathing world with tales that span whole eras of time, and while I may barely know how to start with projecting it into a visual game environment, that's the sort of scope and desire I have to pick this all up and push forward.

That's the sort of passion your support will always give me. For these last four years and from here on, I will always be immensely grateful to my readers and everyone who has supported me. It's for all of you that I want to make things amazing.

Wight Snow III: Duplicity

Freed from a future of slavery, the veil of deception has been pulled from Erys Wynthae's eyes. Brought to terms with the extent of her betrayal, Erys must make a choice and come to terms with the consequences of both her own actions and what has been done to her. As the night draws on, the once noble Lady may yet lose her mind to it.

Through her invitation, ownership of Lord Larson Moore's estate has changed hands unto a power beyond mortal reckoning that now bears her leash. With its residents rounded up and caged as specimens for the lich Eliza and her ghoulish companions' needs, the unliving host is free to establish its foothold within the sleeping coastal city.

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A maybe slow start to 2017 but one I mean to kick off in good spirits with aspirations for the future, and that means starting with coming back to a familiar project that I've enjoyed developing. Similar to Daemonique, Wight Snow takes on the narrative of darker and what would be seen as more evil aligned types that exist above and beyond the realm of normal humans, giving a narrative of events as they unfolded from that more intimate angle, complete with all the erotic intimacies that come with them.

It's a very fun series to write and plan, but one I have to be equally as careful with. One of the charms of Fantasy and in turn creating my own world with every work is that there are so few restrictions. Restriction ensures a sort of safety in the norm that Fantasy and fiction at large will let you just throw to the wind. Wight Snow boasts a large cast already, one with the most intricate of differences between them all, from the social standings of humans to the types of monster and what each is capable of.

In Duplicity, that's really highlighted with the first real interactions between the largely paranormal cast alongside humans as plans are set into motion. It opens up scenes for how captives are held, what's being done and some glimpses into the motives of why and how things have reached this point, now that the influential puppet mistress that offered a change of fate has come on to the stage proper.

From here on, the pace of events will pick up, unraveling the whole truth of the epidemic witnessed in the first volume from the darker side of things, but for now, it sets up a good foothold for the new arrivals.

Excerpt after the pagebreak;